Scene From There's Something About Mary
Yes, I am a lazy bum thesedays, but I figured I would throw this up for posterity, as it truly is one of the funniest moments in movie history (subjectivity is keen), and I'd like to think it's at my fingertips if my life ever depended on it.
A scene from There's Something About Mary. Harlan Williams, a homicidal hitchiker, sits clutching a duffel bag in the passenger seat of our hero's (played by Ben Stiller) 1984 Toyota Tercel. The Hitchiker, obviously a tad bizarre in his bearing, strikes up a conversation about his latest idea for an exercise video.
Hitchhiker: You heard of this thing, the 8-Minute Abs?
Ted: Yeah, sure, 8-Minute Abs. Yeah, the excercise video.
Hitchhiker: Yeah, this is going to blow that right out of the water. Listen to this: 7… Minute… Abs.
Ted: Right. Yes. OK, alright. I see where you're going.
Hitchhiker: Think about it. You walk into a video store, you see 8-Minute Abs sittin' there, there's 7-Minute Abs right beside it. Which one are you gonna pick, man?
Ted: I would go for the 7.
Hitchhiker: Bingo, man, bingo. 7-Minute Abs. And we guarantee just as good a workout as the 8-minute folk.
Ted: You guarantee it? That's—how do you do that?
Hitchhiker: If you're not happy with the first 7 minutes, we're gonna send you the extra minute free. You see? That's it. That's our motto. That's where we're comin' from. That's from "A" to "B".
Ted: That's right. That's—that's good. That's good. Unless, of course, somebody comes up with 6-Minute Abs. Then you're in trouble, huh?
[Hitchhiker convulses]
Hitchhiker: No! No, no, not 6! I said 7. Nobody's comin' up with 6. Who works out in 6 minutes? You won't even get your heart goin', not even a mouse on a wheel.
Ted: That—good point.
Hitchhiker: 7's the key number here. Think about it. 7-Elevens. 7 doors. 7, man, that's the number. 7 chipmunks twirlin' on a branch, eatin' lots of sunflowers on my uncle's ranch… You know that… old children's tale from the sea… It's like— you're dreamin' about Gorgonzola cheese when it's clearly Brie time, baby!
[awkward pause]
Step into my office!
Ted: Why?
Hitchhiker: 'Cause you're fuckin' fired!
9 Missives So Far
01 Gone Away said on Wed Dec 31 23:00:01 EST
Well, well, well, so Josh was listening, huh? What a great start to a writing career. I can hear their characters as they talk. And what a smackeroo of a punchline. Good stuff. Only thing I'm still working on.... Hitchhiker? The boss is a hitchhiker?
02 josh said on Wed Dec 31 23:00:01 EST
Oh no no no! I should really have given proper attribution, Mr. Gone -- that was a quote from a favorite movie of mine - done on the fly to advance the posting "mechanism" for my own nefarious reasons. False alarm. :>
It is from a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0129387/">There's Something About Mary, a Farrelly Brother's Film :>
04 Keeefer said on Wed Dec 31 23:00:01 EST
Like the Quote, its a good scene.
Other than that i have absoploutley no idea what you are talking about
05 Honcho said on Wed Dec 31 23:00:01 EST
Everyone needs a good chunk of worthless text every now and then -- for testing/formatting reasons that is - and lipsum is so freakin' snooty, I hate that crap.
That is what I am taking about.
06 Honcho said on Wed Dec 31 23:00:01 EST
"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum."
Section 1.10.32 of "de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum", written by Cicero in 45 BC
"Sed ut perspiciatis unde omnis iste natus error sit voluptatem accusantium doloremque laudantium, totam rem aperiam, eaque ipsa quae ab illo inventore veritatis et quasi architecto beatae vitae dicta sunt explicabo. Nemo enim ipsam voluptatem quia voluptas sit aspernatur aut odit aut fugit, sed quia consequuntur magni dolores eos qui ratione voluptatem sequi nesciunt. Neque porro quisquam est, qui dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit, sed quia non numquam eius modi tempora incidunt ut labore et dolore magnam aliquam quaerat voluptatem. Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam, nisi ut aliquid ex ea commodi consequatur? Quis autem vel eum iure reprehenderit qui in ea voluptate velit esse quam nihil molestiae consequatur, vel illum qui dolorem eum fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur?"
1914 translation by H. Rackham
"But I must explain to you how all this mistaken idea of denouncing pleasure and praising pain was born and I will give you a complete account of the system, and expound the actual teachings of the great explorer of the truth, the master-builder of human happiness. No one rejects, dislikes, or avoids pleasure itself, because it is pleasure, but because those who do not know how to pursue pleasure rationally encounter consequences that are extremely painful. Nor again is there anyone who loves or pursues or desires to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain, but because occasionally circumstances occur in which toil and pain can procure him some great pleasure. To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?"
Section 1.10.33 of "de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum", written by Cicero in 45 BC
"At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Temporibus autem quibusdam et aut officiis debitis aut rerum necessitatibus saepe eveniet ut et voluptates repudiandae sint et molestiae non recusandae. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat."
1914 translation by H. Rackham
"On the other hand, we denounce with righteous indignation and dislike men who are so beguiled and demoralized by the charms of pleasure of the moment, so blinded by desire, that they cannot foresee the pain and trouble that are bound to ensue; and equal blame belongs to those who fail in their duty through weakness of will, which is the same as saying through shrinking from toil and pain. These cases are perfectly simple and easy to distinguish. In a free hour, when our power of choice is untrammelled and when nothing prevents our being able to do what we like best, every pleasure is to be welcomed and every pain avoided. But in certain circumstances and owing to the claims of duty or the obligations of business it will frequently occur that pleasures have to be repudiated and annoyances accepted. The wise man therefore always holds in these matters to this principle of selection: he rejects pleasures to secure other greater pleasures, or else he endures pains to avoid worse pains."
(Am I right? Am I right?)
07 Keeefer said on Wed Dec 31 23:00:01 EST
ye gods that is dull you are most definatley right.....is it 'standard' to use that crap when testing?
08 josh said on Wed Dec 31 23:00:01 EST
Indeed it is. And not just for web design -- lipsum has been around for decades and decades -- probably since Latin died, ffs.
09 Keeefer said on Wed Dec 31 23:00:01 EST
Man that really sucks H. Rackham has a lot to answer for. If he wasn't already dead i'd give him a stern talking to.
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