Entry 177 - Big Trip Log Part 1: Columbia to Nashville

Big Trip Log Part 1: Columbia to Nashville

After all of these months of waiting, I am finally off to Texas for good. Last minute snafus (of course) delayed my departure for about the fiftieth time, but I finally departed Columbia, Maryland at 1:14pm Wednesday, May 3rd. Having shut down my personal network at my folk’s house and removed my printer (duh), I actually had to use a trip to say goodbye to an old friend of mine (who works at the front desk of a posh local hotel) to print out my directions (care of Google Maps, natch). I gassed up and washed the truck (Dee-Lux, 8 whole dollars worth of bird-crap removal!), mailed off the last of my bills and cancellations, and shopped for our (Dog is my copilot) initial stash of goodies: Granola bars, caffiene-heavy sodas, and–of course–beef jerky. I also added to the list one of those coconut car air fresheners; life in a truck for ~24 hours in four days is mighty close quarters, especially in the olfactory sense. And besides, Dog said I smelled like a Greek waiter’s feet. Starting Mileage: 105,146.

Day 1 - May 3rd: Columbia to Bristol, Virginia

Official: 401 Miles

Relatively easy time down 495 and onto the dreaded I-66 through Manassas. As is custom, flicked off NRA headquarters on the way past.

First Stop. Harrisonburg, Virginia. Home of James Madison University (who?) and not much else. Judging by the clientele and the employees at the local Arby’s, life in a shit town is… well, shit.

Second Stop. Some lameassed rest area around Blacksburg (VT sucks) to dig the sunblock out of the back of the pussy wagon: This took 25 minutes, as I am a world-reknowned packmaster, and I’d filed “Banana Boat SPF30” next to “Box of bungee cords and “rock Collection from Egypt the packers forgot”. I was a tad too late with this remedy, and I now have a wicked trucker’s tan. When I get to Dallas I’ll have my brother take a picture of the aftermath… it looks like half of me went to the Bahamas.

Third Stop. Christianville (?), Virginia. Some 60 miles shy of Bristol proper, but it was getting late and after a few inquiries, the only place that would accomodate my navigator (Dog is a great multitasker) was the Super 8 – Not the best of hotels, but it overlooked a fine “Flying J” truck stop, a bustling hive of meth-induced activity complete with rentable showers (a cursory teeth count reveals that apparently life atop the Blue Ridge is hard livin’). Ate Burger King, watched Mythbusters, walked jittery Dog at 11pm, 3am, 5am, and 8am. One of us pooped in the parking lot.
Travelled: 322 Miles
iPod: Al Franken (Lying Liars), Sarah McLachlan, SOAD, Otis Redding

Day 2 - May 4th: Bristol, Tennessee to Nashville, Tennessee

Official: 292 Miles

Got out of Xmasville (or whatever) around 9am, after gassing up at the “Flying J” (2.6799/g). Drove through Bristol, Virginia into Bristol, Tennessee.

First Stop. Around 10:30am at a rest area so Dog could see a tree about a horse. Noticed what seems to be the “new” Tennessee state flag, and mused to Dog that it now looks like the pseudo-fascist “Hammers” flag from Pink Floyd’s The Wall. Wondered if this was deliberate. Also noticed the beginning stages of oppressive fucking southern summer heat.

Second Stop. Lunch in Knoxville at a Chic-Fil-A. Some sort of million-to-one occurence of attractive young women. Dog eating chicken nuggets scores points.

Third Stop. Unintentional. 1+ hour in traffic jam on I-81 near the Clinch River. They were repainting the white lines. Passed Tennessee State Trooper who appeared to be sleeping in his cruiser. Mumbled “Fucking Tennessee… if it wasn’t for your Fireworks Supermarkets…” under breath a few times.

Fourth Stop. Charlotte Park, Tennessee (just west of Nashville proper). Checked into Super 8 Motel which promised “Hi-Sped Internet Access!!!”. Unpacked Dog stuff and clothing. Went up the road to local WalMart. Asked clerk “Hey man, where’s your juice and soda and stuff?” Clerk replied “It’s in aisle 13 by the liquor and beer.” Scoffed at Maryland’s victorian liquor laws. Bought shaving cream and Dog treats. Puzzled at the profusion of both attractive young professional-looking women and burned-out rednecks. Stopped at Bojangles’ for (what is still the) best chicken on planet. Adjourned to hotel room to eat and shower. Spent 45 minutes trying to connect to hotel’s crappy linksys router. Realized while walking Dog that I am closer to large EMI-spewing power substation than to WAP. Decided to type this crap into Notepad then walk over closer to the lobby to try and post it. Permanently set all clocks to CDT. Went to bed.
Travelled: 389 Miles
iPod: Triumph the I.C.D.: Come Poop with Me, Johnny Cash, Bill Monroe, Flatt & Scruggs, Ricky Skaggs, Hank Williams, Indigo Girls (Nashville. Get it?)

---