I’m Officially a Circus Freak.
Everyone has something they can do with their body that sets them apart; for instance, I can extend my middle finger at right-angles with my index and ring fingers – something that comes in quite handy for those tight moments in traffic. A couple of times, in fact, I have unfolded my digital wrath on people only to have them look on in amazement for a split second before realizing I am not, indeed, saluting their impeccable driving skills.
My Wierd Fanger.
In my estimation, special talents such as this tend to be discovered in grade school, thoroughly exploited in middle and high school, and only brought out thereafter to win the occasional bar bet. Sounds about right, yeah? I thought so too. Until today.
Yes, lately I’ve been (slowly) getting over a raging cold that has been plaguing every napkin, roll of tp and paper towel within my reach. After about 2 weeks of headswimming swervation and impaired taste, I think I have the upper hand. Captain Loogey is not going down with a fight, however, and as a last gift he's left a stubborn contingent of crudbubbles camped in my ear (uhh?) tubes.
Long story short: this morning, while trying to look busy (not asleep) at my desk, I enlisted my sole weapon against this pleghmmy menace. Holding my nose and closing my lips, I exhaled briskly in an attempt to equalize the blinding pressure in my head. Suddenly, I heard an extraneous gurgle, and felt a burst of air on my eyeball.
Weird as all get out, right? I have seen this before, but only on a very odd guy named Ruvan who also used to shoot himself with a BB gun for laughs. I really thought Vinh was in a class of his own. But no.
Apparently I have, all the sudden mind you, an “Incompetent Rosenmüller's Valve” in my right eye, and its really kinda ooogin’ me out.
Like I said: I am officially a circus freak. ◊
4 Missives So Far
01 mike said on Fri Jul 15 9:16:51 EDT
You realize what this valve incompetency allows you to do? Instead of laughing so hard that milk comes out your nose, you can use your new skill to make milk come out of your eye! Now THAT is a true sideshow attraction.
02 josh said on Fri Jul 15 11:46:48 EDT
Okay, I admit it. I spent a few good minutes thinking about the possible uses of my new p0w4r, but milk was never the liquid I invisioned.
I was thinking more along the lines of truth serum. I ruled out milk early on, thinking that it might do some sort of funky bacterial thing in the event of a short round. Then I wondered how long it would take me to get used to Tabasco -- I could be like a bombardier beetle. Then I thought, "It's tabasco you idiot."
Then I thought about something that glowed under a blacklight. I could really trip people out at parties with that.
03 Jodie said on Sun Jul 17 13:14:48 EDT
Oh cool! I have that eye thing too but didn't have a clue there was a name for it. Wow.
I have to tell you, though, that my son wants you to know that the only truly cool thing to come out of eyes would be laser beams.
So if you can figure that one out, you'll be the envy of every evil-overlord-wannabe 16-year-old on the planet.
04 josh said on Sun Jul 17 15:42:45 EDT
I prefer to keep my own talents simple, and let my pet sharks with frikkin' laserbeams on their heads do the dirtywork. :)
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